Living Paycheck to Paycheck

I’m still thinking about whether my friend J and I should live together in the fall.  It would save a bunch of money that will end up going to gas, groceries, and everything else with rising costs, so I’d probably come out close to even.

On the other hand, I should be getting a raise in the fall.  I’ll slowly be taking on more responsibilities this summer, including a job that one of my managers has been doing single-handedly for twenty years.  Another manager spoke to me about asking for a raise around October after I’ve successfully done the job on my own in September.  Added responsibilities = added money.  I’m looking forward to taking on these tasks; I’m glad that my bosses could see that I’m able to do something more challenging than what I’m already doing.

So things may be a little tight until I get the raise, but I don’t mind tight.  Also, J sort of annoys me.  This will sound absolutely horrible, but have you ever had a friend that admired you TOO much?  Thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread and lets you know that you’re cooler than her/him?  I feel like I’m up on a pedestal and this is bad for a few reasons:

1.)  The annoyance.  I like to be on equal footing with my friends.  I may be better at some things, they might be better at others, but it all kind of meshes together.  With my real friends, I don’t spend my time telling them how great they are unless they’ve just done something great.  With J I’m told I’m great constantly for things that I don’t think deserve credit.  I’m great for my apartment, my car, my boyfriend; once she met B she started complimenting us as a couple a lot. 

2.) It is part of my nature to find the weak and tread upon them.  Wow, that sounds horrible, too.  What I mean, is that if someone will let me walk all over them, then I will do it.  If she and I lived together, I would be The Boss.  The Bitch is probably more accurate.  I’d be that evil roommate everyone hears about, controlling the TV, ordering others to use coasters, getting ticked off if the roommate asked ME to clean my dishes.  I would do it (unintentionally, despite how this sounds; it would be a gradual process) because I don’t think that she would stand up to me and stop me.  This leads me to

3.) Resentment.  She would resent me (rightly) for being a bitch, and I would resent her (unjustly) for standing up for herself against me.  Actually, if she stood up to me, I’d probably do my best to manipulate her back into my power (gosh, I’m really sounding evil!) before I’d start resenting her.

This would happen because she would let me make it happen.  When my best friend R and I lived together, we had none of this craziness because we’re on equal footing.  If anything, she was more of the boss than me, but we were both too lazy to do much about it:

R: Let’s clean.
Me:  Let’s drink.
R: Let’s do both.
Me:  Okay.

Win-Win.  I’ve also been on the receiving end of a psycho roommate who was the controller.  In that case, I let her be the controller because a., her parents owned the house and I paid them cheap rent, and b., she was crazy as hell and I didn’t want to mess with her (true story: my boyfriend was part of a fraternal order whose council banned her from their house because she was so nuts).

As long as I’m not The Boss (or The Bitch) in the apartment, I’m a delightful roommate who doesn’t get many complaints.  B stayed with me for a few weeks before moving in to his apartment and we got along just fine (except for the one day we tried commuting together–it was the first time we’d raised our voices to each other in probably three years).

I think this post has sort of answered the question of whether I should get a roommate or not.

I hung out with my potential roommate last night and I’m thinking that it can work out.  Even though she would leave fairly soon after me in the morning, she wouldn’t be home until at least a couple hours later than me in the evenings, so I’ll get some alone time.  She’s also studying for her GRE, so many of her evenings she will be holed up in her room while I watch TV or something.  She likes my boyfriend and doesn’t care if he’s over a lot on the weekends which is pretty important.  B and I can switch back and forth between out places, but his house kind of sucks and at least one of his roommates is always trying to get us to go out places with him (so he can mack on chicks even though he sort of has a girlfriend–he’s only “dating” her for the sex, I believe, and wants to trade her in for a hotter, less slutty model–drama, drama, drama!) and tries to make us feel bad if we don’t want to go spend money or we just want to be by ourselves.  Also, I won’t cook for B at his place and he does like his free food.

So J and I might make good roommates.  My concern is her salary and how much she can afford for rent; right now she makes slightly less than $30K/year, though she’s due for a salary increase in August.  Right now about 38-40% of my take home pay goes to rent and I know that it should be between 25-35%.  With a roommate, I can definitely get it within that range without a problem, but I’m concerned that J won’t be able to pay enough rent to get a reasonable place.  She’s pretty well fine with living at my complex in Loudoun because she likes the slightly country atmosphere, and my complex does have some awesome apartments for less than one would find closer into the city.  J plans to take a Loudoun Connector Bus, either all the way to D.C. or to a Metro, which will cost a fair amount.  I’ve also offered to take the bigger bedroom/adjoining bathroom and pay extra per month, but I’m not sure how much that should be.  I was thinking adding $50 to my rent and subtracting the same from hers for a $100 difference, but I’ll ask B what he thinks–he had this same problem with his roommates, but he’s the one getting screwed by the guy with the biggest room (also, the same guy who’s trying to trade in his girlfriend.  Hmm).

So those are some new concerns, but I still think that it can work.  Luckily, I still have time to consider things.

This weekend I found out that an old friend of mine wants to move out of her parents’ house soon and that she was looking in my area (because she wouldn’t be able to afford something closer to where she works in D.C.).  My first thought was, “Come live at my complex!” which led to my second thought, “We could live together!!!”

She and I won’t have to decide this for a while; my lease is up in September, after all.  But it got me thinking about what I’m looking for in a roommate, and wondering whether she fits the description.

We’ve known each other since we were four and were “best friends” from eighth grade through high school, despite going to different schools.  After that, we went to different colleges and drifted apart so that we only talked or saw each other a few times a year.  Our interests changed and it got to a point where I didn’t mind terribly that we weren’t as close because we had less to talk about.

So now I wonder if she’d be a good roommate.  My last roommate was my current best friend, and she and I got on extremely well together.  If she came to my room wanting to hang out, I didn’t mind stopping whatever I was doing or resent the interruption– I was all too happy to hang out.  By nature, though, I like my privacy.  Despite the financial issues of living alone, I’ve loved every second of it.  It’ll be quite an adjustment from leaving pots soaking in the sink or sitting on the stove to making sure things are always cleaned up.  I’m also terribly messy, but once I get in a cleaning mode I hate when others don’t clean up in the main areas.   

If we lived together at my current complex, I could save almost $3000/year on rent, and even more on utilities.  If we got a place closer to where we work, I could save money on gas, too.  I’m not sure how worth it that will be, though, to move away from Loudoun.  I love where I live and don’t want to leave unless I have to.

Welp.  Stay tuned.

I’m afraid that I’m going to get into a fight with my best friend.  Not one of those “I hate you!” fights, but one of those “I’m so frustrated with you for not doing what I say when I know I’m right!” kind of fights.  She’s the frustrated one, though, not me–at least not yet.

A week ago she asked me if I was getting a roommate when my lease ends and I said “no”.  Now I’m not 100% sure about this, but right now I have no options and I flat-out refuse to live with just anybody.  I learned the hard way that living with someone that you hate (and hates you right back) sets you up for a world of depression; having to stay cooped up in your bedroom so that you won’t have to see the roommate, trying to find things to keep yourself out of your own place, arguing about bills, chores, etc.  At one point in college, one of my only outlets for my inner turmoil (I know, I’m overdramatic) was coming to class early and telling my friends what my Psycho Roommate had done that day in great, story-teller fashion.

Anyway, my best friend said, “But you have to!” and I immediately bristled.  I HATE being told what to do by anyone (except my bosses…because that’s their job).

I told her that I didn’t have to and she said something about how if I were living paycheck to paycheck (which made me wonder if she’d found my blog–but I don’t think she has because she hasn’t said anything about it) I needed to save money.  I know that she is definitely concerned about whether I have enough money to live, but I also know that her big complaint is that I’m not going out to restaurants and bars with our friends anymore.  This month it was mostly because of not having enough money until my tax refund came in (got in on Friday morning, $1529 woohoo!), but also because I haven’t missed it.  At this point, I don’t enjoy going out to dinner and seeing my money going down the tube, even if I stick to water and something cheap.  I’d much rather hang out at my place or someone else’s.  I don’t consider dining out to be a necessity and I don’t know how to express it without someone getting upset with me.

This is one of the reasons why my boyfriend and I work so well together: he’s just as broke as me, maybe more so.  When we’re together, we’re able to back each other up about not spending too much.  All his money is going to pay the normal expenses and whatever is leftover is paying off loans or things that will help him out in the future, like a personal training course that will pay for itself in no time once he’s done and finds a part-time job at a gym.  He never encourages me to spend money when I don’t think that I should (although I’m not always as supportive of him–if you lose a razor, buy a new one, don’t wait two weeks until I can bring you your spare!).

Anyway, I’m not going to live with someone who is not a trusted friend.  It’s also a lot easier for my friend to say that I should since she’s married and doesn’t have to live with anyone but her husband, the person she loves and trusts the most.  I’m going to try to avoid this becoming a real disagreement, though.  I know that she cares about me and that’s where this comes from.  What it really boils down to (after all the rambling) is how much my peace of mind is worth.  What is the dollar amount per month I am willing to pay just to let go of a huge amount of stress?  The only stress in my life right now is being judged for my financial choices (and, a little, about what my living situation will be in September); nothing is wrong with home, work, family, or my boyfriend.  I’m curious as to how much anyone reading this blog would pay to block out the biggest stressor in his/her life.  If you feel like commenting about it, please do!

When I was apartment searching last summer, there were some things that I swore I would not compromise on; I would not live in a first floor apartment, or in low-income housing, or anywhere that I didn’t feel safe.  I didn’t need lots of amenities or even a lot of space.  I did want a one-bedroom instead of a studio because I’m quite messy and needed a place to keep my mess.

I was trying to keep rent to about $1000/month.  So I started searching.  I started with a free Apartment Guide from the grocery store and marked everything in my price range.  Then I went online and looked up information.  By the time that I had crossed off all the low-income housing, I was freaking out; I had only a handful of options.  Even after expanding my search to apartments.com, rent.com, and Craig’s List, I was still down to almost nothing.  I also was running out of time to get a place before my current lease ended. 

After visiting a few places, I finally found something.  It seems like it’s 30 miles from everything in the world.  It’s definitely that far from my job.  I live in Loudoun County, in a third floor, 867 sq. ft. unit that I love.  Even though it is the largest one bedroom they have, it was the cheapest one available at that time.  The base rent is $930/month, but there are mandatory add-ons.  For $30/month I get valet trash pick up, and for $49/month I get cable, neither of which I need.  Last year I used an antenna for service and while it was touch and go, it got my roommate and me through.  So I’m paying about $1019/month when monthly fees are added in. 

I love living there because the town still has a slight small town feel to it, even though it’s expanding like crazy.  Nothing’s perfect, though; I have to take the Dulles Toll Road to work and home which costs me $2.50/day.  If I’m running late for work, I take the Dulles Greenway which costs $3.00 extra, so once every week or two, I waste $3.00 taking it to the Toll Road.  Now that gas has risen so high, I’m averaging more than $350/month in gas alone and when you add the tolls, it’s more than $400/month just for driving. 

My lease is ending in September and I’ll have to decide (in about June or July) whether it’s worth it to move closer to work and pay higher rent and moving fees, but less in travelling expenses?  Will it be any less, anyway, if the gas prices go higher?